When it comes to contraception, Evangelicals believe the pull-out method is 100% effective when paired with prayer to the correct deity. Due to the medieval absurdities of the religious extremists in Congress, access to Plan B and safe abortions are in real trouble.
The way things look from the GOP’s perspective isn’t hard to follow. To ensure the survival of the miserable circus known as the Republican Party, its members are banking on a boom of accidental births because these are sure to create a new under-class of uneducated Christians—i.e., future Republicans. The scheme is not difficult to understand: single-mothers with limited resources living in squalid conditions will look at their miserable lives and rapidly declining standard of living. Seeing no worthwhile future in the material world, they will turn to Jesus in the hopes that they might enjoy existing after they are dead. These pitiable women will instill their newfound attachment to Jesus in their children, who will by now have dropped out of school after discovering the joys of opiates. Identifying with the Religious Right by virtue of their astoundingly clever marketing to these “Left-Behinds,” they will become lifelong Republicans. The sadistic beauty in the Religious Right’s messaging is their ability to convince people to spend their lives voting against their own interests by using the spectre of socialism conflated with loathsome and corrosive coastal elites.
By keeping Americans breeding like sheep, the GOP can secure its future voting-base: uneducated and semi-productive taxpayers who will vote for the current party’s hysterical children. Or, did you not think the Trump family will become a permanent staple in American politics? Sad as it is, I doubt they are going away any time soon. The Left has a real messaging problem—they simply fail time and time again to cater to the so-called Left-Behinds. To the Left, a word of advice:
Calling people you don’t like hicks and trailer-trash and deplorables is not how you win people to your side.
Anyway, for now, we deal with reality: stock up on your Plan Bs and consider yourself warned. Happy fucking!
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Special thanks to Andrew Hall who runs the Patheos blog Laughing in Disbelief!