Noteworthy verses

If you are not familiar with the Holy Quran, my advice to you is simply this: don’t bother.  As a former Muslim, I can tell you that it is a tremendously boring and tedious text when read in English.  It is slightly less awful when read in its original Arabic since that language preserves the poetic impact which is sometimes rather moving).

All the same, it does not matter how beautiful the reciter’s voice is because singing in an agreeable way about one’s rights over their slaves is not deep or pleasant.  If anything, it is sinister and creepy.

So, my friends, here is your lesson on the Quran for the day from an escapee of same.   Below, I give you some verses written in an easily digestible post-modern format.

Please enjoy!

“I am God, worship me!  Worship me!  If you don’t, you are a sinner and I’ll roast your ass in Hell”

“All praise is due to god, merciful and great is he”

“You can fuck your slaves, even if they are married to other people, just shut up and do what I say”

The Holy Quran

Written and edited by a poor orphan from a so-so family who found a way to get desert-yokels to offer their daughters to him marriage.


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